When "They're Doing Their Best" Becomes Harmful: Why This Common Phrase Can Re-Traumatize Survivors

In our well-meaning attempts to encourage empathy and understanding, we often reach for phrases that seem compassionate on the surface. "They're doing the best they can" is one such statement or “you wouldn’t be who you are without them,” frequently offered as a way to explain someone's harmful behavior or to encourage forgiveness. While this sentiment may come from a place of good intentions, for survivors of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, these words can feel like salt in wounds that are still healing.