Feeling Emotional Pain: It Doesn’t Take Long, About 90 Seconds

Anger can have us punching through walls or screaming at our partners. Depression can have us spiraling into thoughts of taking our own life. Anxiety can have us constant panic, heart racing and thoughts overtaking our happy moments. In these moments, it feels like the pain might last forever and it’s so unbearable we can hardly manage ourselves. Yet neuroscience reveals a surprising truth about our emotional experiences that can fundamentally change how we navigate difficult feelings.

The 90-Second Rule

According to neuroanatomist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, the physiological lifespan of an emotion is approximately 90 seconds. When we experience an emotional trigger, our brain releases a cascade of chemicals; stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline that flood our system. These chemicals are naturally metabolized and flushed out of our bloodstream within 90 seconds.

This means that the pure, biological experience of any emotion, whether it's rage, sadness, fear, or joy has a natural endpoint that arrives in less than two minutes. 

Why Pain Persists Beyond 90 Seconds

If emotions naturally last only 90 seconds, why do we sometimes feel stuck in emotional pain for hours, days, or even years? The answer lies in our thoughts and resistance patterns. 

After those initial 90 seconds, any remaining emotional pain is sustained by our thinking. We replay the triggering event, create stories about what it means, or resist the feeling itself. When we think thoughts like "I can't believe they did that again" or "they are so inconsiderate," we re-trigger the emotional cascade, starting a fresh 90-second cycle. 

The Power of Allowing

Research in psychology consistently shows that emotional suppression, trying to push away or avoid difficult feelings, actually intensifies and prolongs emotional distress. Studies have found that people who practice emotional acceptance experience: 

            •           Reduced anxiety and depression

            •           Greater emotional resilience

            •           Improved relationships

            •           Better physical health outcomes 

When we allow emotions to flow through us without resistance, we honor their natural timeline. Like a storm passing through a clear sky, emotions move through and dissipate when we don't interfere with their process. 

How to Let Emotions Pass Through

Feel it in your body: Notice where you experience the emotion physically. Is there tension in your shoulders? A knot in your stomach? Breathe into these sensations rather than away from them. 

Name it without story: Simply acknowledge "I'm feeling angry" or "Sadness is here" without adding narrative about why it's wrong or what it means. Avoid case building. 

Breathe consciously: Deep, slow breathing helps metabolize stress chemicals and signals safety to your nervous system.

Stay present: When your mind wants to replay the past or worry about the future, gently return attention to this moment and what you're feeling right now.

The Freedom in 90 Seconds

Understanding the temporary nature of emotions doesn't minimize their validity or importance. Our feelings carry valuable information and deserve acknowledgment. But knowing that the raw intensity has a built-in expiration date can be profoundly liberating. 

The next time emotional pain arises, remember: this feeling, in its pure form, will pass in 90 seconds. Your job isn't to fix it, analyze it, or make it go away. Your job is simply to let it flow through you like water through a riverbed, trusting in the wisdom of your own emotional system.

In those 90 seconds lies a doorway to greater emotional freedom, if we're brave enough to walk through it.